


we don't have to miss eachother, we don't have to fix eachother

by notthebigspoon



Category: Baseball RPF
Genre: M/M, Unsafe Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-16
Updated: 2012-09-16
Packaged: 2017-11-14 09:14:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/513657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notthebigspoon/pseuds/notthebigspoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Eli.”</p><p>	“Shut up.”</p><p>	“Eli, you...”</p><p>	“Christ, just shut <i>up</i>.”</p><p>Title taken from Come Over by Kenny Chesney.</p>
            </blockquote>





	we don't have to miss eachother, we don't have to fix eachother

“Eli.”

“Shut up.”

“Eli, you...”

“Christ, just shut _up_.”

Eli's voice is low and angry, his forehead wrinkled in concentration. His fingertips are skimming over Jonathan's skin, the touch just light enough to leave him tingling in their wake. Jonathan bites his lip hard to stifle any further words that want to come out of his mouth. He hasn't seen Eli in a long time, too long, he doesn't want to drive Eli away again. Again. Again again again. 

He remembers being so angry about the trade and pushing Eli away, telling him that it was time for him to move on, to start over. That Eli didn't really need him and they were only playing pretend when they would lay in bed together at night, imagining a future that would never come. There was nothing to gain from continuing something so hopeless. They'd screamed at each other, thrown things, left Eli's apartment in complete shambles before Jonathan had snatched his bag up and stormed out of the house.

Jonathan had walked the streets of New Albany for hours before stopping in front of a car rental shop. He'd stared at it before going inside and getting a car. He'd driven to the nearest airport and caught the next flight to Puerto Rico. He hadn't spoken to Eli, in any form, since then. Eli was a proud guy, too proud to go after Jonathan when he hadn't done anything wrong. They'd managed to avoid each other entirely.

Kansas City had been a nightmare. He'd hated the place solely for taking him away from San Francisco, for making him lose everything, especially the man he loved. He'd never _stopped_ loving Eli, he couldn't, even when it hurt just to think of him. Denver was a little different. That old hurt had gone away and he'd gotten over the trade. Anger and climbing walls was getting him nowhere. He'd settled in a little more easily. He went out some. He didn't date. He actively avoided the Giants at all cost whenever the Rockies played them.

Then he'd been shut down. Sometimes he brings up the injury update page of the Rockies website, stares at the TBD knowing that he might be in a different city the next year. Sure Tracy had said he wanted to try and have Jonathan back next year but he knew better than to hope. Hope in one hand and bull in the other, see which weighs more. He'd hung around, tried to show how much he wanted it, doing his exercises and then some, working with the trainers. He could be better and then some. He could be valuable. He could be wanted.

He'd thought about staying home during the series against the Giants. Eli was back up. He didn't know if he could handle seeing him, the reminder of what had been and what would never be. But he wasn't a coward. He'd went and he'd cheered his teammates on, harassed and picked on Pomeranz and LeMahieu because they were easy targets and it made him laugh to see the way they scrunched their faces up and glared at him but said nothing because even if he wasn't playing, he was the veteran and that meant he was right and they were always wrong. Pomeranz's crush on him was the only thing that made him at all guilty but he didn't feel _that_ guilty about it. When you go almost a year without any, without a kiss or a gentle touch, any kind of affection goes a long way.

He'd gone home after the loss to Timmy not feeling as bad for the team as he should have. He was too happy for Tim, he'd always liked him and to see him recapturing that fire that he'd struggled so hard for made Jonathan feel like maybe he could too. He'd gone home, reheated fried rice and turned on Suits reruns. He hadn't thought much of the knock on his door. His neighbor's kid was always selling something and had figured out that Jonathan was always more susceptible in the evenings when he'd developed the munchies. He'd made sure his wallet was on the kitchen counter near the door before opening it. He hoped it was chocolate this time.

It wasn't. It was Eli, damp and shivering a little, rain dripping from his hair and running down his face. He hadn't waited for an invitation, had merely stepped inside and kicked the door shut behind him, backing Jonathan up against the counter and touching him, fingers skimming over Jonathan's face and arms like he was trying to determine if Jonathan was real or imagined, like he was trying to remember everything they'd forgotten in ten months. If he'd forgotten. Jonathan hadn't forgotten anything, not with Eli's memory being the only thing keeping him company most nights.

He tries to speak, tries to figure out what this is because he's so lost. He gives up when Eli tells him to shut up because he's missed this so much and even if it's only for one night, he doesn't want to give it up, doesn't want it to go away, doesn't want Eli to leave. He closes his eyes and lets his head fall back, lets Eli do whatever he wants to. He doesn't open them when Eli's touch goes away because he can't watch love walk right out of his life again. Eli's fingers brush over his jaw before his thumb is running along Jonathan's bottom lip.

“Look at me.”

Jonathan shakes his head.

“ _Look_ at me.”

Jonathan opens his eyes. Eli's face is so close but not close enough. He wonders if he looks as broken as he feels, if Eli can tell that he wants Eli to put all the pieces back together like he used to do, on the mound and off of it. Maybe he can, because he closes the distance and presses their lips together. It's close mouthed, soft and barely there at all before Eli is breaking it and whispering that he missed Jonathan and telling Jonathan how fucking stupid he is.

This is it, he thinks. This is the part where he leaves and they don't speak to each other for another year, if they speak to each other at all. But he's wrong, like he so often is when it comes to Eli. Eli's pulling his shirt over his head and dropping it before doing the same to Jonathan, pressing against him full length and kissing him again, harder and hungrier, tongue swiping over Jonathan's lips before dipping inside and tangling with Jonathan's own.

He pushes away from the wall when Eli tugs on his waist and they stumble towards the bedroom, not able to stop touching each other. Eli presses against him while Jonathan works his jeans open and pushes them off, like he can't get enough of the feeling of skin on skin after that first touch. It's okay, Jonathan doesn't think that he can either. They fall onto the bed, Eli's weight pressing him down into the mattress, hands skimming everywhere, exploring, but never touching Jonathan's cock, not yet. Eli always did like to tease, to draw it out and make it last what felt like forever.

Jonathan doesn't have that kind of patience, wraps his hand around Eli and strokes, moaning when Eli gasps against Jonathan's lips. It's easy, it's all so easy, sense memory as his body reminds him where to go and what to do, reminds him what Eli likes best. Eli's fingers press against him, rubbing and touching but not pushing inside. Jonathan arches into it but he shakes his head, voice ragged when he finds the words to speak.

“I don't have anything. There... there hasn't been anyone else.” He pants.

There's something unrecognizable in Eli's eyes, but he's nodding. “S'okay, me neither, s'okay.”

It's reckless, it's irresponsible. But it's _Eli_ , and Jonathan doesn't object when Eli grabs the lube Jonathan keeps in the nightstand and slicks his fingers, opening Jonathan with practiced ease. When he pushes in, slicked bare skin and nothing else, Jonathan's eyes roll back into his head. He clutches at Eli's shoulders, letting out a slight hiss of pain. He hadn't realized how much he missed this.

Their hips work together, picking up the old rhythm and Eli whispers the same endearments, tells Jonathan how gorgeous he is and how good he feels. He doesn't say again how much he misses Jonathan but it's there, in every touch and every kiss. It's over before Jonathan is ready for it to be but with neither of them with each other or anyone else in so long, he's not that surprised. When Eli pulls away, he collapses onto his back on the other side of the bed, both of them staring at the ceiling and panting.

Eli rolls onto his side first, dragging himself so that he's half on top of Jonathan, meeting his eyes and giving him a searching look. Jonathan shakes his head and looks away. But Eli isn't having it, gripping Jonathan's jaw and forcing him to look Eli in the eyes. “See how stupid you were? This...”

“We're no good for each other.”

“Not really. We're just no good for anyone else.” Eli points out and it makes Jonathan smile a little because he's right. 

Jonathan can't settle for anyone else. Won't settle. He nods, licks his lips and kisses Eli, trying to put everything into it that he can because he can't put it into words, not the way that Eli can. He doesn't have to though. He can see it in Eli's eyes, the promises he'd made before and a new promise, a promise that he won't let Jonathan go, not this time. 

It's this or nothing, and Jonathan's okay with that. There's no one after Eli and there never will be.

**Author's Note:**

> Unsafe sex is bad. Don't do it. There, there's your social responsibility lesson for the day.


End file.
